Reflection… I’ve been doing a lot of this over the past
few of weeks. 457 days ago, we gave birth to our sweet angel. Oh, but the
period of my reflection begins months before April 30, 2015. I’ve been
reflecting on the time since which a certain ministry captured my heart. I see
God’s goodness imprinted in every facet of our lives as I reflect over these
past couple of years…
Early October 2014… I was on the phone with my dear friend
and neighbor as I drove home from work. We kept chatting as I arrived home and
entered our house. I figured, why continue talking on the phone when I could
just swing over? I strolled next door and opened the door. Kristin told me she
had someone for me to meet. I remember the puzzled look that I’m certain
crossed over my face. She started calling out a sweet girl’s name. I jokingly
said something to the effect of, “What, did you get a cat?!” Nope, instead an
18 month toddler, wearing only a diaper, began toddling down the stairs. I
asked Kristin who this was. She told me this sweet girl would be staying with
them for a while. This was the day that Safe Families for Children quite
literally walked (or toddled) into our lives.
Over the next couple of months, Patrick and I helped out with Little K
during basketball games, volleyball practices, and family events. We loved this
sweet girl! We learned more and more
about Safe Families for Children. God most surely was warming our hearts to
something greater than us. In December, we learned we were expecting our first
baby. We were overjoyed and shared the news with our dear friends next door. We
continued to love on Little K while she was in their care. At the end of
December, she returned to live with her mother. We were sad to see her go; we
missed her, but that is the absolute goal of the ministry! We loved on Little K
while her family figured some things out.
Once Little K returned to live with her mother, Patrick and
I had some good conversation about Safe Families for Children. We hadn’t
officially applied to become a host family, but I wanted more of whatever this
was. I felt God nudging me to nudge my husband. I felt Him calling us to serve
these families. I remember the conversation in the car after a church service
in which we decided to hop aboard the Safe Families train. I looked at my
patient husband, and told him how much my heart felt called by God to this
ministry. I knew WE had to want to do this; to serve these families TOGETHER.
We both needed to be on board. We both needed to feel His calling. I nudged,
and he said yes. We were both a bit nervous. I think about it as we truly took
a leap of faith that day. It was a decision that would, without knowing it,
change our lives.
I had been struggling with “my purpose.” I work in a
wonderful corporate job. I like my job and love my coworkers, but I was
struggling with “my purpose.” We are immensely blessed, but I questioned what
was I doing with my life to serve. I felt like something was missing. I
considered so many things… I asked Patrick if I should go back to school in the
medical field. Would I feel like I was serving others in a different
profession? Safe Families was the answer to my “needing something more.” It
helped me to realize that while I love my job and am so grateful for it, it’s
the “other stuff” that fills me up. Safe Families for Children helped me to
grow into a place in which I felt content in all facets of my life.
We applied, completed the training, and had our Safe Families home
visit. We were officially deemed a Safe Families host family in early 2015!
Shortly after, we took our first child for the weekend. Oh, how we enjoy
welcoming these children into our home. We became involved with the Safe
Families ministry in our church. All the while, our pregnancy progressed as we
prepared to welcome our first baby into this world.
On April 30, 2015, we gave birth to our angel daughter at just over 24 weeks. We
had never drawn nearer to God as we did in the months after our sweet girl was
born. We were broken; grief filled our everyday lives. A little over a month
after her birth, we once again hosted a child in our home. I picked up a spunky
5 year old boy on a Friday afternoon. We filled the weekend with swimming, ice
cream, dog walks, park visits, church, and love. He brought us a wonderful
gift… joy! We needed the glimpses of child-like joy in our lives last summer as
we walked through our valley of grief. We continued our grief journey into the
fall, and joining the grief was waiting… we were waiting on another pregnancy.
It was hard and emotional; another journey.
In September, God placed the thoughts of a longer-term Safe
Families placement on my heart. I shared this with Patrick. To my surprise, he
agreed that it was something we could consider as a couple. We prayed about it
and talked about it for a couple of months. I emailed Safe Families to let them
know what was on our hearts. In November, an urgent need came through in an
email one evening, and we both knew it… it was the one. It was the situation
about which we had been praying for. It was difficult to really take the
leap; to email Safe Families that we could take a little girl who needed care
for a month or two. But, we did it. We felt His nudge once again, and we
responded to the email. That Saturday, we picked up Little L and her sister
from the Safe Families office. Her sister was to be placed with another family
on Monday morning.
8 months… that’s how long Little L lived in our home and
shared our life with us. I reflect on these last 8 months, and I see how God
orchestrated every little piece of it. Oh, how I NEEDED Little L to come into
our life and fill it up. I needed her presence, her busyness; I needed that she
needed us. Little L helped my heart to continue to heal from the loss of our
daughter. She brought busyness, joy, stress, and love. God brought her into our
life in a time of frustrated waiting. God used her situation to draw me nearer,
teach me patience, and to teach me how to love others better. My husband fell
in love with this sweet girl. It took him a little longer than I, but oh how
that man loves that little girl. The way she ran to the door to meet him after
work, the way she called out to him when she was upset with me, the way she
smiled and laughed when they played together, the way he patiently waited each
morning on his way out the door while teaching her how to put on her shoes. Oh,
how my heart smiles when thinking about the bond those two shared.
We believe God placed Little L in our home and with our
family as well. She was the sole focus of all of our evening and weekend
activities. She was able to go to school and take a gymnastics class while
staying with us. We had the time and finances to meet her needs outside of our
home because it was just the two of us, caring for this sweet girl. We never
could have done the things we did with Little L with even one child in our
home. It would have been too difficult to manage. God even carefully
orchestrated her transition back to her family. He knew what Little L needed;
He knew what we needed. He is SO GOOD.
Sure, there were some very difficult times over the past 8
months. We were recently asked if we’d do it again, knowing what we know now.
My answer is without a doubt, “Absolutely.” Saying goodbye to this child hurts
because we loved. But, that’s truly what God asks of us… to love one another.
John 15:12 - "My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you."
