Radical Love

Radical - relating to or affecting the fundamental nature of something; far-reaching or thorough. Thorough. Complete. Total. Entire. Absolute. Utter. Comprehensive. Exhaustive. Sweeping. Far-reaching. Extensive. Drastic. Severe. Major. Desperate. Rigorous. Profound.

Over the course of the past few months, God has been stripping my heart down. He's rebuilding and reshaping it with renewed eyes; renewed perspective; a renewed spirit.

We've been walking with vulnerable women and children since the end of 2014, and God chose these past three months to truly begin to humble me; to break my heart down; to open my eyes to truths that I had not been able to clearly see.

Over the course of the past three months, we've had three little people come in and out of our home. All three are right around Beckett's age (2). God has used these three little ones and their mommas to change my heart towards vulnerable women. God has stripped judgment from my broken heart and has opened up a door to an increased sense of love and compassion towards these women that we walk alongside.

One of the mommas we've walked with recently sent me a text that God used to deeply impact me. It brought me to tears and rocked me to my core. The last sentence of the text said this, "You are the best person ive met in so long not too many people like you and your husband and family." 

Now, please understand that I do not share this to glorify myself or our family. I share this to display God's work... to glorify our good God. Yes, we may volunteer to help families in crisis, but God is doing the real work. He crosses our paths with people who are changing our hearts. These women and babies are changing our life, all in His name.

This momma is young, she is beautiful, she is hard-working, and she loves her little boy. She wakes up in a shelter each morning, gets herself and her toddler ready, and gets both of them on public transportation, traveling from one major city to another in the metro so that she can go to trade school. She drops her son off at a daycare, goes to school for the entirety of the day. Then, she repeats her commute back to where they are staying. Every single day, she faces obstacles of which I have never, nor will I likely ever experience. As this momma and I discussed where I'd drop her son off to reunite the two, she mentioned in passing that the stroller she used to commute with her toddler had broken. Friends, at 10:30pm, I posted a request to our neighborhood Facebook page looking for an umbrella stroller that was no longer needed. Within approximately 5 minutes, I had two families offering me strollers. By morning, I had other messages offering to purchase strollers for this momma. That's the reality of the world I live in. It was so simple to find a stroller for this momma.

This beautiful momma asked Together for Good for help with her son while she solidified a place for them to safely sleep and to align all the paperwork needed for daycare. Because this momma asked Together for Good for help with her son, she received incredibly harsh comments from other women living around her at the shelter. She was told she was a bad mom. She was told that she wasn't raising her son properly. When she shared this with me, I cried. Why does it have to be so hard for this momma? Why does she have so many barriers to success stacked against her? Yet, every day she trudges on towards her goal - to make a better life for her and hers son.

I have been praying about God's theme for our life this year, and this past week, He gave me the words. 

RADICAL LOVE

God has drawn our family to a verse over and over again.  A couple of years ago, we named it our family verse: Mark 12:30-31 - "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these." Simply put: Love God. Love people.

Radical Love -  It's outside of the box love. It's messy and complicated. It surpasses our comfort-levels. It can hurt, but it can introduce others to the love of our Savior, Jesus Christ because HE loves us radically. His love is thorough. It's far-reaching, It's absolute. 

The Lord is breaking my heart for the circumstances of the vulnerable women we walk with. He is opening my eyes to the judgments of my heart, and He is miraculously breaking them down. He is changing me. He is opening the door to compassion. He is showing me that "black and white issues" are often grey. He is working in me, introducing me to a love that is extreme, and I am just trying to live a life following a God whose love is so great that it surpasses our understanding. I'm just a woman who receives radical love from our good and gracious God and because of this, I want to introduce others to this God and His radical love.

Marley Reese Byer - Her Birth Story

Well, it's been 9 months since we welcomed Marley Reese Byer into this world, and I have been meaning to share her birth story ever since. I think it's high time that I did it.

Marley Reese Byer was born to us on May 3rd, 2018. She was born into this world at a whopping 5 lbs. 14 oz. She was delivered via scheduled c-section at Fairview Ridges Hospital in Burnsville, where we delivered both Kylie and Beckett as well. Her delivery was scheduled at exactly 37 weeks gestation.

She cried.

And, it was the most beautiful sound we've ever heard.

Marley Reese was our third baby, and it was the first delivery in which we got to hear our baby cry. Dr. Haakenson pulled her out of me, brought her sweet, tiny body up to the clear plastic sheet in front of my face, and our baby girl started to scream. And then, I lost it. I sobbed and thanked our good and gracious God for a healthy baby girl. Until that very moment, the moment in which I got to see our baby wiggle around and hear her use her mighty lungs, fear and anxiety consumed me. It took just moments, and those feelings of intense worry that I had been battling for months dissipated.

No matter the way a baby is birthed, mommas, we are all strong. Natural, medicated, via surgery... it doesn't matter. What matters is that baby arrives in a healthy manner and that we mommas are healthy too. By God's grace, I will never again experience labor. The risk to my body and our babies is too great. Our c-section this time around went as smoothly as one can go, yet my OB sent my placenta to pathology as we are always trying to learn more about why we lost Kylie and why Beckett's birth was so disastrous. We learned that even with the precautions taken to prevent tragedy (baby aspirin, additional blood thinners, and frequent monitoring) there was micro-clotting in the vessels that attached my placenta to the uterine wall. What does this mean? Well, my placenta likely would have abrupted from the uterine wall yet again. This confirms that it was the correct decision to deliver at 37 weeks and that I should never again experience contractions. So, c-sections it is for me. I thank God for modern medicine. I may never have been able to be a mother to biological children otherwise.

Oh goodness, we are treated so well by our friends at Ridges. Upon our arrival, we did all the things one must do in preparation for surgery, and then we waited. What a weird feeling... knowing you are about to walk yourself to the OR, sit up on the table, be cut open, and handed your baby. Once Marley was born and checked over at the baby station in the OR, they laid her on my chest. She remained there for hours. I got to do (almost) immediate skin-to-skin with our baby girl on my chest. As soon as we arrived back on our recovery room from the OR, Marley nursed for the first time. I cried big old crocodile tears. These are things that I do not take for granted. These are things I never experienced after delivering our first two babies. What a joy it was to nurse our girl for the first time and to just lay in my bed with her on my chest.

We are so blessed by the incredible people who joined us on Marley's birth day. Because of her sister and brother, we had a team of unbelievable people with us in the OR. Both of the nurses who were with us when Kylie and Beckett were delivered joined us that day. Nickie and Emily have become sweet friends, and I am so thankful for them. Dale, the neonatal nurse practitioner who led the team that resuscitated Beckett for 18 minutes, joined us as well. He took over care for Marley Reese once she was delivered, and I felt such comfort in this act of kindness. Dr. Osborn, the anesthesiologist who assisted in the delivery of Beckett, came in on his vacation day for Marley's delivery. And, my OB, Dr. Haakenson, who has been with us since before Kylie passed, delivered our girl. I have so much trust in this woman. She is an incredibly skilled doctor who serves her patients with such compassion. We were so blessed by each and every person in the OR on May 3rd.

There was a period of time after I was given the spinal in which we were waiting for me to be fully numb. It's an odd and rather scary time in the OR. Patrick was still waiting in the hallway to be allowed to enter the room. I was numb, laying on the OR table with a whole lot of hustle and bustle going on around me. I physically didn't feel the greatest. I was filled with fear of what was to come. In those moments, Dale, the man who helped give us our son's life, walked over to me, and he placed his hand in mine. I remember letting out a deep breath, and just thinking to myself. "Thank you." God places each person right where they need to be at just the right moment.

Welcome to the world, Marley Reese Byer!

Just waiting to meet our baby girl

Nurse Emily and I before we met Marley Reese

Nurse Nickie and Dale before Marley joined us

Patrick, holding my hand as they began the procedure

I just love this picture of Marley as she is being pulled out of my womb and into the world.

Seeing our girl for the first time

Dale and Nickie, taking such good care of Marley

5 lbs. 14 oz.

Our girl!

First diaper

"Hi Daddy"

Our precious girl and her dad

Holding Marley Reese for the first time

So blessed

Back in our recovery room

A proud dad

 Nurse Nickie, who loves on us so well

Nurse Emily, who also loves on us so well

The BEST delivery nurses around!

Our sweet Kylie smiling down as the sun set on Marley's first day here on earth