As 2016 comes to a close, I have been reflecting on all this
year has brought us. Grateful and blessed are we.
We opened the year in a time of frustrated waiting. We were
waiting on the Lord for another pregnancy. Goodness, it was a hard time for us.
Grief was still very present in our lives as it hadn’t even been a year since
we had lost Kylie. In this time I was learning how to trust our Lord more and
more each day. I continually reminded myself that He has a plan and His timing
is perfect. We also opened the year with Little L living in our home. What a
true blessing she was.
As I flip back through my journal, I read my first passage
from the end of January 2016. I opened the year with this sentence, “We are in
our season of waiting.” I also wrote, “God, I am learning to trust. More and
more, I know that you have control. That you have our best interests at heart
in your plans. Little L is part of your plan for us. She provides us with so
much joy. She is helping me realize that I need to trust you. 9
months ago, Kylie’s sweet body joined us here on earth. At that time, I did not
see Little L, but you did. You saw her joining us months later. You
orchestrated that. I had and continue to pray to you to see tangible ways that
you are using our daughter’s life for the good of others. With humility, God, I
thank you.” That weekend in our church bulletin, our journey of the loss of our
daughter and Little L’s impact on our life was shared. It was one way God was
using Kylie’s life to advance His Kingdom, sharing about the ministry of Safe
Families that has such a hold on our hearts. I wrote early this past year,
“God, your greatest ask is for us to love others here on earth. You, Lord,
loved us and do love us, people who sin in every moment of every day… you love
us so much that you sacrificed your only son for us. There is no greater
love than the love you have for us.” “1 Corinthians 13 is so often used to
describe love in a marriage, but God, verse 13 speaks to me. “And now these
three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.” I
wrote, “2 Corinthians 1: 3-5 “…God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our
troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we
ourselves receive from God. For just as we share in the sufferings of Christ,
so also our comfort abounds in Christ.” You Lord, are using us to provide
comfort to others because you were able to comfort us in a time of so much
grief.”
As we spent the early part of 2016 waiting to become
pregnant again, we received such an amazing gift in our continued care for
Little L. We initially thought she’d live with us for just a couple of months.
Those couple of months turned into 8 months. She left our home to return to her
parents in July of this year. We so enjoyed her time in our home. God gave her
to us in a time of waiting. She gave us such a sense of joy, love, and purpose
as we waited for our next child.
On March 17, 2016, we learned we were pregnant with Beckett.
We were absolutely overjoyed. Upon learning we were expecting again, I remember
kneeling and praising God with tears streaming down my face. For this child, we
had prayed so hard for.
April 30th brought Kylie’s first birthday in
heaven. We missed her so much. I allowed myself to open my box of grief deep
within, remembering her birth, holding our sweet girl, and saying goodbye in
great detail. It felt good to sob for our daughter. To celebrate her life, we
brought some sweet treats and a letter to the nurses at Fairview Ridges, where
she was born. Those women gave us such a gift in the positive memories of Kylie’s
birthday. We are forever grateful. On this day, I wrote, “Lord, I come to you
and seek you on Kylie Ryann’s first birthday. I look to you in thanksgiving for
the gifts you’ve given us this past year.”
We were monitored very closely during our pregnancy with
Beckett. God blessed us immensely with an easy pregnancy. Beckett joined us early
in the morning on November 12th. While the events of his birth were
terribly unexpected, God showed us His mercy, compassion, and grace that early
morning. Without a doubt, we were witnesses to a miracle. The Lord gave us our
son, breathing life into him after spending 18 minutes in heaven. God knew we
needed our son here on earth with us. We are eternally grateful for Beckett’s
life.
As I reflect on this past year and read through my journal,
there is a constant theme. In the midst of some of the most emotional, scary,
heartbreaking, joyful, stressful, and happiest days of our lives, the constant
theme is a sense of gratitude. We choose how we approach a situation. Whether
or not it’s something expected, and often times life is filled with the
unexpected, if we approach a situation with a grateful heart, looking for the
ways God is using what’s before us, He blesses us beyond our comprehension. As we
close 2016, I am filled with these thoughts:
God is good all the time. All the time He is good.
“So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord,
continue to live your lives in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened by
the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.” –Colossians 2:
6-7
We praise our God for a blessed 2016, and here’s to a
considerably blessed 2017!
