These Hands

These hands. Each one of them represents a strong, courageous, faithful woman. Each one of them represents a woman walking the hard journey of pregnancy loss, infertility, or both. Each one of them represents grief. Each one of them represents hope.

One year ago this month, my dear friend and I walked through the doors of our church on the second Thursday of the month and hoped that one other woman would show up. We prayed that this group we had envisioned could help just one other woman. You see, my friend and I felt so alone when we sent our daughters to heaven far too soon. My dear friend walked years of infertility in isolation. God birthed a beautiful friendship between this friend and I. God moved in our times of grief. He called us into community, and together, He called us to build a community for women walking difficult journeys to motherhood.

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother (sister) is born for a time of adversity.” – Proverbs 17:17

We are called to community. We are called to feel the grief and heaviness of one another’s burdens. We are called to talk about the hard stuff, to cry together, to laugh together, to be bonded together in this broken world. The fact of the matter is, so many women struggle to get pregnant; to carry their babies. So many women send their babies to heaven far too soon. So many women give birth to silent children, holding them for just a few fleeting moments on this earth. So many women spend years and years and an absurd amount of money trying to start their families. It’s heavy. It’s hard. Yet, we are still meant to walk these harsh roads in community with one another.

That first Thursday, three other women walked through the doors and sat at our table. These three women still faithfully come and sit in community together with us each month. Month over month, more women trickle into our community. This is a community in which no one wants to belong. It’s heavy and hard and sad, but it’s also filled with an incredible amount of hope. The wisdom that pours out of these women’s mouths, even in times of desperation, is incredible. God is moving.

We are seeing pregnancies after years of prayer and failed treatments, we are seeing relationships strengthened along this journey, we are seeing compassion and understanding that can only come from our God. We are seeing peace and joy in the midst of pain and sorrow. God is moving, even when we feel that we can’t see Him.

In 1 Corinthians, Paul says this of the Church, “If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is part of it.”

Say the prayer. Send the text. Make the call. Give the word of encouragement He’s nudging you to give.

Both of my kids are napping. Both of them are napping AT THE SAME TIME. I kid you not, I just ran down the stairs. I ran down the stairs to sit at my computer to pour what I’m about to say down on paper. Why? Because God is incredible. Maybe one person will read it. I don’t know. I don’t really care. I feel compelled to write this down.

This morning, I awoke before 5. Marley (thank our good Lord) slept through the night, and I was feeling it. I woke her to eat so that I could be more comfortable. Then, I crept downstairs. I made myself a cup of coffee, lit a couple of candles. I felt the urge to update the budget, balance the check book, maybe download some pictures from my phone to the computer. But, I fought the urge. I felt the Holy Spirit calling me. I felt Him coaxing me to open my bible. To sit in the quiet with Him. And, this morning God spoke to me. No joke. He absolutely, one hundred percent met me right where I was at. I didn’t hear a whisper. I didn’t hear a low, booming voice from heaven (although I do believe He works that way too). Nope, the Holy Spirit crept into my mind and thoughts. He took hold of my heart attitude. He overcame me. I began to write in my journal. I wrote what the Holy Spirit filled my head space with. And here it is: “Be patient. Be obedient. I have you right where I want you right now. Trust me. Enjoy the ride. Raise these babes. Wipe butts. Feed. Teach. Hug. Kiss. Play. This is where you are called to be right now. Be present in it. Enjoy it. Minister to those around you, right now. Right where you’re at. This is my current season for you!”

God has met me before, many a times. He has ministered to a woman in the depths of grief. He has met me in begging for my son’s life. He has held me as I waited in fear for MRI results that may change the trajectory of the life we thought we were going to live. I have cried out, and He has answered. But, this morning was different. I wasn’t begging Him. I wasn’t pleading with Him. I am not in a season of crying out to our God for help. I am in a season of happiness. Of joy. Of peace. I am not wrestling with the fact that I am no longer in the corporate world. I am happy raising my babes at home. Sometimes I wonder what action I need to take for the “next step” – in motherhood, in family planning, in faith, in leadership. But, I didn’t bring that to the Lord this morning. No, this morning He called out to me through the Holy Spirit.

In those moments this morning, I felt an overwhelming sense of faith in the unknown. I felt excitement that I don’t know what God’s plans are for my life, but they are amazing. I have no idea where He will lead me in this life, but what I do know is that it’s going to be good… really good.

This is not where the Holy Spirit stopped moving today though (well He never really stops moving, does He?). I received a text message from a dear friend. This woman and I are bound together through our babes in heaven. I responded to her and said this: “I felt the Holy Spirit speaking to me this morning about my life. So much joy, hope, and peace about my future and right now in this very moment. Obedience. Live in the now. Enjoy it. He is working and has plans for me that I don’t even know about.” Through a series of Voxer messages, it was revealed that she awoke early this morning as well. The Holy Spirit was speaking to her ABOUT THE EXACT SAME THING. Peace in the future. Peace in the unknown. She felt an overwhelming sense of peace wash over her this morning regarding her future; a peace she has not felt in a long time. A peace that only our God can provide.

Another text message was sent to a woman I do life with. She is walking out a calling in her life that is taking her places she never thought she’d be. I said this to her: “Your faith and actions are working together, and your faith is being made complete by what you are doing (just like Abraham’s). (James 2:22) 10 years ago, I’m sure you never would have dreamed this is where you’d be in life. It wasn’t even a blip of a thought in your mind. And, look how God has transformed your life?! I see you step out in faith… taking one step, then another, then another in obedience. That gives me such excitement for the future and where He will take me!” Her response was astounding. The day before, she had just taken another step in obedience. It was overwhelming. It was hard. This text message that the Holy Spirit nudged me to send was a gift from God straight to her heart. He speaks through US, you guys!

Why do I share this? I’m not exactly sure… because the Holy Spirit urged me to. He gave me the words. Maybe one person will find encouragement in this today.

Say the prayer. Send the text. Make the call. Give the word of encouragement He’s nudging you to give. Our God is there. He’s working in us, around us, and through us.

Happy Tuesday, Friends!

National Nurses Week 2018

It’s National Nurses Week, and boy do we have some nurses to be grateful for. My mom is a nurse, my dad was a nurse (well, I guess technically he still is though he is now on the administrative side), my brother is a nurse, and holy buckets we have some very special friends who are nurses and have greatly impacted our lives recently (once again).

While I plan to share our Marley Reese’s complete birth story on the blog here at some point, I do want to share pieces of it today.

We had some beautiful souls with us on the day of Marley Reese’s birth (just one week ago today); some of whom have walked with us for the past three years. These amazing people wanted Marley’s birthday to be the sweetest day for us. They wanted joy for us just about as much as we did. These nurses went out of their way for us to have the most special day. Since November (when our c-section was scheduled), they had planned to join us for our sweet third baby’s birthday. They checked in through our pregnancy and anticipated the day with us. They listened to my anxious thoughts and reassured me we’d make it to May 3^rd.

On the day of Marley’s birth, they prepped me and walked me to the OR. They held me while receiving my spinal. They captured some incredibly special moments on camera for us. And, the man who beat our son’s heart for 18 minutes before the Holy Spirit breathed life into him, held my hand in the minutes before my husband was allowed into the OR. Grateful, grateful, grateful is what we are.

These people rejoiced in hearing our daughter’s cries, they were the first to hold her and ensure she was okay. They showered us all with love, they brought gifts for all THREE of our sweet babies. Once again, they lived and breathed some incredibly precious moments of our life with us.

To all of the nurses out there, thank you for doing your job. Thank you for your love, compassion, and grace. Thank you for going above and beyond your “job descriptions” every single day. Nickie, Emily, and Dale, from the bottoms of our hearts, thank you for sharing our children’s birthdays with us. You mean so much to our family. Thank you for gifting us our most precious memories.

Happy 3rd Birthday, Kylie Ryann!

Happy 3^rd birthday in heaven, our sweet Kylie Ryann. Three years ago today, we held you in our arms. We kissed you; our tears dripped onto your tiny 7.4 oz. body; we examined every inch of you. We love you so much, our sweet girl. As I write this, I cry tears for you. I cry tears over the memory of our first pregnancy, over feeling you move within my womb, over learning of your passing, over your delivery, over the short time that your daddy and I spent holding you. You, dear sweet girl, made me a mommy, and I am eternally grateful for your life.

As your third birthday is upon us, I wonder what you’d be like. I wonder how long your hair would be. I wonder what you’d think of your brother. I wonder if you’d like dresses or if you’d prefer to always wear pants and shorts. I wonder if you’d like soccer or dolls or riding bikes (or all of it).

I still shed tears over you, our daughter, but this year, I have found so much joy and peace in your short life and the fact that I will one day meet you in heaven. You, our girl, are still impacting so many here on earth. This year, Mommy and a friend started regularly meeting with a group of women who have lost babies and for those who are walking the journey of infertility. Three years after your birth, I see that God is still writing your story. He’s still revealing your purpose. Your life is glorifying our Heavenly Father. Kylie Ryann, you are one special girl, and we are eternally grateful for your life.

With Love,

Your Mommy and Daddy

On Kylie’s birthday, we deliver some sweet treats to the Labor and Delivery Unit where she was born. This year, I’d like to share the note that will accompany our treats. These nurses have had an astounding impact on our lives.

Nurses of Fairview Ridges OB Unit,

Today is Kylie Ryann Byer’s 3^rd birthday in heaven. Today, our family honors her life by thanking you, dear nurses. 3 years ago on this day, we experienced one of the most difficult days of our lives. Because of you, we also experienced one of the most memorable and holy days of our life. It was a sacred day. It was one in which we felt the ever present power of the Holy Spirit in a way that has only been matched on the day of Kylie’s brother’s birth. The Holy Spirit worked through YOU, nurses. I have written this to you on her past two birthdays, but the respect, love, and care we received on the birthday of our angel daughter was unbelievable. Thank you. Thank you for coming to this job each day and giving your best. We understand how difficult it is to walk with families through the hardest days of their lives. We’ve seen you cry with us, laugh with us, pray with us, and love us. What you do is so much more than a job. It’s a vocation. It’s a way to serve God’s greater purpose for you. 

You go home at night after a day like April 30, 2015, and you are tired, weary, and emotionally drained. You see your spouses, your dogs, your kids; you take care of so many other people. Yet, you serve your patients with such kindness and love. You help them walk along journeys no one would choose. Thank you for taking on this burden. Thank you for caring for our family with such love, grace, and compassion.

We think of you all so often. We pray for you. You have all made such an impact on our life. The days we have spent inside the walls of your 4^th floor are the holiest days we’ve ever experienced. You have shared those days with us. They are the days in which our good God has revealed himself and His power to us in ways that are not even describable. He has revealed Himself through you. Thank you, labor and delivery nurses. We are so grateful for you.

Jen, Nickie, and Sara, you will always hold a special place in our hearts. Thank you for serving our family the way you did on April 30, 2015. You have left a lasting impact on our hearts.

As you enjoy a treat from our family, please take a moment to think of our sweet Kylie Ryann in heaven. We would be so grateful.

With Love,

The Byers

(Patrick, Ericka, and Beckett)