Thursday, November 12, 2020

Happy 4th Birthday, Beckett Mason

4 years. Our baby boy is 4 years old.

Each year, as November 12th approaches, I take some time to reflect. It is an absolute blessing to raise each one of our children. Their older sister surely taught us so much about that. But, as I watch Beckett Mason successfully swim 12 feet across the pool, sing songs from his first year of preschool, recite a learned Bible verse, or talk to his dinosaurs during imaginary play on the living room floor, there are times that my eyes well with tears. Those tears are tears of gratitude and tears that know how undeserving I am to raise this child.

This year more than ever, I feel it pressed upon my heart to share Beckett’s story from the perspective of WHAT GOD DID that night. We are living in a world that lacks hope; that lacks a belief in the power and sovereignty of our God. If you need a reminder of God’s power, mercy, compassion, and love for us, His children, I pray this encourages you today.

We are raising our 4 year old son today because of the divine intervention of our gracious Lord. He performed a miracle on November 12, 2016, and there is no other explanation for why we are raising Beckett as a healthy 4 year old boy who has met every single developmental milestone. The doctors at the University of Minnesota look at us, and they tell us that there is no medical explanation for our son. None. What happened four years ago today does not make sense.

When Beckett was pulled out of me via an incredibly emergent c-section, he was dead. It took me a long time to be able to speak of that night this way. Beckett had no pulse, and he was not breathing. He had very little blood in the veins of his body. A team of people resuscitated our son for 18 minutes. Protocol in resuscitating an infant is around 10 minutes, but this team continued to work on Beckett for 18 minutes until the Holy Spirit breathed the breath of his life into his lungs. Three days later, upon being “warmed up” after undergoing neonatal therapeutic hypothermia, he underwent an MRI. It was completely and absolutely normal. Our neonatologist all but ran to our NICU nursery to tell us. They had never seen something like this.

Awhile back, our pastor gave a message in which he said, “We just have to invite Jesus to the party.” When things began to go very wrong during labor, and I knew that we were in very emergent danger, I had zero control. There was absolutely nothing I could do except for begin to pray. As a number of doctors and nurses began working to bring Beckett’s heart rate back up, I began to pray, quietly. I remember that I couldn’t even think of the words to pray, so I prayed the most basic 5 words I could think of. They are the five most powerful words I have ever uttered in my entire life. “Lord, please protect our son.” I began to say these words over and over, quietly. Then, I began to get louder and louder. As they ran my bed down the hall to the nearest OR, I was screaming these words. In desperation, I screamed these words until I was given medication to go to sleep. I invited Jesus to the party that night, and He performed a mighty miracle.

Every part of this story is God’s. Those words I uttered just before Beckett was born, they weren’t mine. They were the Holy Spirit's. 

I often ask myself, “Why?” Why us. Why did Beckett survive? Why do we get to raise him? Why do some families experience similar things, but they don’t get to raise their babies? Why are some babies resuscitated for much less time, and they experience severe developmental disabilities or pass away? God’s view is so much larger than my own, but He gives me tiny little glimpses of how He has used Beckett’s miraculous story. As Jesus says, “Unless you people see signs and wonders, you will never believe.” On this side of heaven, I will never see the broadness of the impact the miracle of Beckett’s birth has had. 

Today, my prayer is that you may read Beckett’s story and be reminded that no matter what, our God has got this. He sits on His throne. He sees all, knows all, and He loves us, His people. We may not understand why we must endure earthly circumstances, but through it all He is good.



















Thursday, April 30, 2020

Kylie Ryann Byer's 5th Birthday

5 years ago today, I watched that same sun rise in the same sky. It was one of the most difficult and saddest day of my life. That same God who showed up that day to comfort my broken heart is with me today. I walked down the same stairs I do every day to leave our home. I walked in the same hospital doors as I have three times since to deliver three more babies. But, me - I am not the same. With every ounce of my being, I now know that there is a God who loves me. And, I know that with Him I can do hard things. I can deliver a baby into this world who I am not going to get to raise. I can hold her and kiss her and snuggle her even though I know that her soul is already with Jesus. I can hear the cries of other babies in the hallway when deafening silence filled our room. I can stand up and walk out of that hospital empty-handed and into a home with a crib already upstairs.

The greatest gift that Kylie gave me is this: I know that no matter what - NO MATTER WHAT - God shows up. He loves us, He comforts us, and He can be glorified in any and all situations. When hard or scary things arise, I have great peace in knowing that God is in control and that He will create beauty out of every situation. That beauty may not look exactly how we want it to look, and it may not come exactly when we want it to, but God's plan is always better than ours.

Kylie Ryann Byer, thank you. Thank you for making me a mother. Thank you for all that you have taught me. I look at your two sisters and your brother, and I wonder what you would have looked like - what color your eyes and hair would be; how tall you'd be; how you'd like to wear your hair. I wonder what you'd like to do and play each day. This year, you likely would have gone to kindergarten. I can't help but to admit that I am most definitely not ready for the school years yet. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to see the joy when parenting is hard because man, you've made me so grateful to get to raise your siblings. Sweet girl, I love you so. Some day, I will hold you in my arms again. Until then, keep teaching me - to love God and people better every day. Happy 5th birthday, my girl.