Radical Love

Radical - relating to or affecting the fundamental nature of something; far-reaching or thorough. Thorough. Complete. Total. Entire. Absolute. Utter. Comprehensive. Exhaustive. Sweeping. Far-reaching. Extensive. Drastic. Severe. Major. Desperate. Rigorous. Profound.

Over the course of the past few months, God has been stripping my heart down. He's rebuilding and reshaping it with renewed eyes; renewed perspective; a renewed spirit.

We've been walking with vulnerable women and children since the end of 2014, and God chose these past three months to truly begin to humble me; to break my heart down; to open my eyes to truths that I had not been able to clearly see.

Over the course of the past three months, we've had three little people come in and out of our home. All three are right around Beckett's age (2). God has used these three little ones and their mommas to change my heart towards vulnerable women. God has stripped judgment from my broken heart and has opened up a door to an increased sense of love and compassion towards these women that we walk alongside.

One of the mommas we've walked with recently sent me a text that God used to deeply impact me. It brought me to tears and rocked me to my core. The last sentence of the text said this, "You are the best person ive met in so long not too many people like you and your husband and family." 

Now, please understand that I do not share this to glorify myself or our family. I share this to display God's work... to glorify our good God. Yes, we may volunteer to help families in crisis, but God is doing the real work. He crosses our paths with people who are changing our hearts. These women and babies are changing our life, all in His name.

This momma is young, she is beautiful, she is hard-working, and she loves her little boy. She wakes up in a shelter each morning, gets herself and her toddler ready, and gets both of them on public transportation, traveling from one major city to another in the metro so that she can go to trade school. She drops her son off at a daycare, goes to school for the entirety of the day. Then, she repeats her commute back to where they are staying. Every single day, she faces obstacles of which I have never, nor will I likely ever experience. As this momma and I discussed where I'd drop her son off to reunite the two, she mentioned in passing that the stroller she used to commute with her toddler had broken. Friends, at 10:30pm, I posted a request to our neighborhood Facebook page looking for an umbrella stroller that was no longer needed. Within approximately 5 minutes, I had two families offering me strollers. By morning, I had other messages offering to purchase strollers for this momma. That's the reality of the world I live in. It was so simple to find a stroller for this momma.

This beautiful momma asked Together for Good for help with her son while she solidified a place for them to safely sleep and to align all the paperwork needed for daycare. Because this momma asked Together for Good for help with her son, she received incredibly harsh comments from other women living around her at the shelter. She was told she was a bad mom. She was told that she wasn't raising her son properly. When she shared this with me, I cried. Why does it have to be so hard for this momma? Why does she have so many barriers to success stacked against her? Yet, every day she trudges on towards her goal - to make a better life for her and hers son.

I have been praying about God's theme for our life this year, and this past week, He gave me the words. 

RADICAL LOVE

God has drawn our family to a verse over and over again.  A couple of years ago, we named it our family verse: Mark 12:30-31 - "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these." Simply put: Love God. Love people.

Radical Love -  It's outside of the box love. It's messy and complicated. It surpasses our comfort-levels. It can hurt, but it can introduce others to the love of our Savior, Jesus Christ because HE loves us radically. His love is thorough. It's far-reaching, It's absolute. 

The Lord is breaking my heart for the circumstances of the vulnerable women we walk with. He is opening my eyes to the judgments of my heart, and He is miraculously breaking them down. He is changing me. He is opening the door to compassion. He is showing me that "black and white issues" are often grey. He is working in me, introducing me to a love that is extreme, and I am just trying to live a life following a God whose love is so great that it surpasses our understanding. I'm just a woman who receives radical love from our good and gracious God and because of this, I want to introduce others to this God and His radical love.

Marley Reese Byer - Her Birth Story

Well, it's been 9 months since we welcomed Marley Reese Byer into this world, and I have been meaning to share her birth story ever since. I think it's high time that I did it.

Marley Reese Byer was born to us on May 3rd, 2018. She was born into this world at a whopping 5 lbs. 14 oz. She was delivered via scheduled c-section at Fairview Ridges Hospital in Burnsville, where we delivered both Kylie and Beckett as well. Her delivery was scheduled at exactly 37 weeks gestation.

She cried.

And, it was the most beautiful sound we've ever heard.

Marley Reese was our third baby, and it was the first delivery in which we got to hear our baby cry. Dr. Haakenson pulled her out of me, brought her sweet, tiny body up to the clear plastic sheet in front of my face, and our baby girl started to scream. And then, I lost it. I sobbed and thanked our good and gracious God for a healthy baby girl. Until that very moment, the moment in which I got to see our baby wiggle around and hear her use her mighty lungs, fear and anxiety consumed me. It took just moments, and those feelings of intense worry that I had been battling for months dissipated.

No matter the way a baby is birthed, mommas, we are all strong. Natural, medicated, via surgery... it doesn't matter. What matters is that baby arrives in a healthy manner and that we mommas are healthy too. By God's grace, I will never again experience labor. The risk to my body and our babies is too great. Our c-section this time around went as smoothly as one can go, yet my OB sent my placenta to pathology as we are always trying to learn more about why we lost Kylie and why Beckett's birth was so disastrous. We learned that even with the precautions taken to prevent tragedy (baby aspirin, additional blood thinners, and frequent monitoring) there was micro-clotting in the vessels that attached my placenta to the uterine wall. What does this mean? Well, my placenta likely would have abrupted from the uterine wall yet again. This confirms that it was the correct decision to deliver at 37 weeks and that I should never again experience contractions. So, c-sections it is for me. I thank God for modern medicine. I may never have been able to be a mother to biological children otherwise.

Oh goodness, we are treated so well by our friends at Ridges. Upon our arrival, we did all the things one must do in preparation for surgery, and then we waited. What a weird feeling... knowing you are about to walk yourself to the OR, sit up on the table, be cut open, and handed your baby. Once Marley was born and checked over at the baby station in the OR, they laid her on my chest. She remained there for hours. I got to do (almost) immediate skin-to-skin with our baby girl on my chest. As soon as we arrived back on our recovery room from the OR, Marley nursed for the first time. I cried big old crocodile tears. These are things that I do not take for granted. These are things I never experienced after delivering our first two babies. What a joy it was to nurse our girl for the first time and to just lay in my bed with her on my chest.

We are so blessed by the incredible people who joined us on Marley's birth day. Because of her sister and brother, we had a team of unbelievable people with us in the OR. Both of the nurses who were with us when Kylie and Beckett were delivered joined us that day. Nickie and Emily have become sweet friends, and I am so thankful for them. Dale, the neonatal nurse practitioner who led the team that resuscitated Beckett for 18 minutes, joined us as well. He took over care for Marley Reese once she was delivered, and I felt such comfort in this act of kindness. Dr. Osborn, the anesthesiologist who assisted in the delivery of Beckett, came in on his vacation day for Marley's delivery. And, my OB, Dr. Haakenson, who has been with us since before Kylie passed, delivered our girl. I have so much trust in this woman. She is an incredibly skilled doctor who serves her patients with such compassion. We were so blessed by each and every person in the OR on May 3rd.

There was a period of time after I was given the spinal in which we were waiting for me to be fully numb. It's an odd and rather scary time in the OR. Patrick was still waiting in the hallway to be allowed to enter the room. I was numb, laying on the OR table with a whole lot of hustle and bustle going on around me. I physically didn't feel the greatest. I was filled with fear of what was to come. In those moments, Dale, the man who helped give us our son's life, walked over to me, and he placed his hand in mine. I remember letting out a deep breath, and just thinking to myself. "Thank you." God places each person right where they need to be at just the right moment.

Welcome to the world, Marley Reese Byer!

Just waiting to meet our baby girl

Nurse Emily and I before we met Marley Reese

Nurse Nickie and Dale before Marley joined us

Patrick, holding my hand as they began the procedure

I just love this picture of Marley as she is being pulled out of my womb and into the world.

Seeing our girl for the first time

Dale and Nickie, taking such good care of Marley

5 lbs. 14 oz.

Our girl!

First diaper

"Hi Daddy"

Our precious girl and her dad

Holding Marley Reese for the first time

So blessed

Back in our recovery room

A proud dad

 Nurse Nickie, who loves on us so well

Nurse Emily, who also loves on us so well

The BEST delivery nurses around!

Our sweet Kylie smiling down as the sun set on Marley's first day here on earth

These Hands

These hands. Each one of them represents a strong, courageous, faithful woman. Each one of them represents a woman walking the hard journey of pregnancy loss, infertility, or both. Each one of them represents grief. Each one of them represents hope.

One year ago this month, my dear friend and I walked through the doors of our church on the second Thursday of the month and hoped that one other woman would show up. We prayed that this group we had envisioned could help just one other woman. You see, my friend and I felt so alone when we sent our daughters to heaven far too soon. My dear friend walked years of infertility in isolation. God birthed a beautiful friendship between this friend and I. God moved in our times of grief. He called us into community, and together, He called us to build a community for women walking difficult journeys to motherhood.

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother (sister) is born for a time of adversity.” – Proverbs 17:17

We are called to community. We are called to feel the grief and heaviness of one another’s burdens. We are called to talk about the hard stuff, to cry together, to laugh together, to be bonded together in this broken world. The fact of the matter is, so many women struggle to get pregnant; to carry their babies. So many women send their babies to heaven far too soon. So many women give birth to silent children, holding them for just a few fleeting moments on this earth. So many women spend years and years and an absurd amount of money trying to start their families. It’s heavy. It’s hard. Yet, we are still meant to walk these harsh roads in community with one another.

That first Thursday, three other women walked through the doors and sat at our table. These three women still faithfully come and sit in community together with us each month. Month over month, more women trickle into our community. This is a community in which no one wants to belong. It’s heavy and hard and sad, but it’s also filled with an incredible amount of hope. The wisdom that pours out of these women’s mouths, even in times of desperation, is incredible. God is moving.

We are seeing pregnancies after years of prayer and failed treatments, we are seeing relationships strengthened along this journey, we are seeing compassion and understanding that can only come from our God. We are seeing peace and joy in the midst of pain and sorrow. God is moving, even when we feel that we can’t see Him.

In 1 Corinthians, Paul says this of the Church, “If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is part of it.”

Say the prayer. Send the text. Make the call. Give the word of encouragement He’s nudging you to give.

Both of my kids are napping. Both of them are napping AT THE SAME TIME. I kid you not, I just ran down the stairs. I ran down the stairs to sit at my computer to pour what I’m about to say down on paper. Why? Because God is incredible. Maybe one person will read it. I don’t know. I don’t really care. I feel compelled to write this down.

This morning, I awoke before 5. Marley (thank our good Lord) slept through the night, and I was feeling it. I woke her to eat so that I could be more comfortable. Then, I crept downstairs. I made myself a cup of coffee, lit a couple of candles. I felt the urge to update the budget, balance the check book, maybe download some pictures from my phone to the computer. But, I fought the urge. I felt the Holy Spirit calling me. I felt Him coaxing me to open my bible. To sit in the quiet with Him. And, this morning God spoke to me. No joke. He absolutely, one hundred percent met me right where I was at. I didn’t hear a whisper. I didn’t hear a low, booming voice from heaven (although I do believe He works that way too). Nope, the Holy Spirit crept into my mind and thoughts. He took hold of my heart attitude. He overcame me. I began to write in my journal. I wrote what the Holy Spirit filled my head space with. And here it is: “Be patient. Be obedient. I have you right where I want you right now. Trust me. Enjoy the ride. Raise these babes. Wipe butts. Feed. Teach. Hug. Kiss. Play. This is where you are called to be right now. Be present in it. Enjoy it. Minister to those around you, right now. Right where you’re at. This is my current season for you!”

God has met me before, many a times. He has ministered to a woman in the depths of grief. He has met me in begging for my son’s life. He has held me as I waited in fear for MRI results that may change the trajectory of the life we thought we were going to live. I have cried out, and He has answered. But, this morning was different. I wasn’t begging Him. I wasn’t pleading with Him. I am not in a season of crying out to our God for help. I am in a season of happiness. Of joy. Of peace. I am not wrestling with the fact that I am no longer in the corporate world. I am happy raising my babes at home. Sometimes I wonder what action I need to take for the “next step” – in motherhood, in family planning, in faith, in leadership. But, I didn’t bring that to the Lord this morning. No, this morning He called out to me through the Holy Spirit.

In those moments this morning, I felt an overwhelming sense of faith in the unknown. I felt excitement that I don’t know what God’s plans are for my life, but they are amazing. I have no idea where He will lead me in this life, but what I do know is that it’s going to be good… really good.

This is not where the Holy Spirit stopped moving today though (well He never really stops moving, does He?). I received a text message from a dear friend. This woman and I are bound together through our babes in heaven. I responded to her and said this: “I felt the Holy Spirit speaking to me this morning about my life. So much joy, hope, and peace about my future and right now in this very moment. Obedience. Live in the now. Enjoy it. He is working and has plans for me that I don’t even know about.” Through a series of Voxer messages, it was revealed that she awoke early this morning as well. The Holy Spirit was speaking to her ABOUT THE EXACT SAME THING. Peace in the future. Peace in the unknown. She felt an overwhelming sense of peace wash over her this morning regarding her future; a peace she has not felt in a long time. A peace that only our God can provide.

Another text message was sent to a woman I do life with. She is walking out a calling in her life that is taking her places she never thought she’d be. I said this to her: “Your faith and actions are working together, and your faith is being made complete by what you are doing (just like Abraham’s). (James 2:22) 10 years ago, I’m sure you never would have dreamed this is where you’d be in life. It wasn’t even a blip of a thought in your mind. And, look how God has transformed your life?! I see you step out in faith… taking one step, then another, then another in obedience. That gives me such excitement for the future and where He will take me!” Her response was astounding. The day before, she had just taken another step in obedience. It was overwhelming. It was hard. This text message that the Holy Spirit nudged me to send was a gift from God straight to her heart. He speaks through US, you guys!

Why do I share this? I’m not exactly sure… because the Holy Spirit urged me to. He gave me the words. Maybe one person will find encouragement in this today.

Say the prayer. Send the text. Make the call. Give the word of encouragement He’s nudging you to give. Our God is there. He’s working in us, around us, and through us.

Happy Tuesday, Friends!

National Nurses Week 2018

It’s National Nurses Week, and boy do we have some nurses to be grateful for. My mom is a nurse, my dad was a nurse (well, I guess technically he still is though he is now on the administrative side), my brother is a nurse, and holy buckets we have some very special friends who are nurses and have greatly impacted our lives recently (once again).

While I plan to share our Marley Reese’s complete birth story on the blog here at some point, I do want to share pieces of it today.

We had some beautiful souls with us on the day of Marley Reese’s birth (just one week ago today); some of whom have walked with us for the past three years. These amazing people wanted Marley’s birthday to be the sweetest day for us. They wanted joy for us just about as much as we did. These nurses went out of their way for us to have the most special day. Since November (when our c-section was scheduled), they had planned to join us for our sweet third baby’s birthday. They checked in through our pregnancy and anticipated the day with us. They listened to my anxious thoughts and reassured me we’d make it to May 3^rd.

On the day of Marley’s birth, they prepped me and walked me to the OR. They held me while receiving my spinal. They captured some incredibly special moments on camera for us. And, the man who beat our son’s heart for 18 minutes before the Holy Spirit breathed life into him, held my hand in the minutes before my husband was allowed into the OR. Grateful, grateful, grateful is what we are.

These people rejoiced in hearing our daughter’s cries, they were the first to hold her and ensure she was okay. They showered us all with love, they brought gifts for all THREE of our sweet babies. Once again, they lived and breathed some incredibly precious moments of our life with us.

To all of the nurses out there, thank you for doing your job. Thank you for your love, compassion, and grace. Thank you for going above and beyond your “job descriptions” every single day. Nickie, Emily, and Dale, from the bottoms of our hearts, thank you for sharing our children’s birthdays with us. You mean so much to our family. Thank you for gifting us our most precious memories.

Happy 3rd Birthday, Kylie Ryann!

Happy 3^rd birthday in heaven, our sweet Kylie Ryann. Three years ago today, we held you in our arms. We kissed you; our tears dripped onto your tiny 7.4 oz. body; we examined every inch of you. We love you so much, our sweet girl. As I write this, I cry tears for you. I cry tears over the memory of our first pregnancy, over feeling you move within my womb, over learning of your passing, over your delivery, over the short time that your daddy and I spent holding you. You, dear sweet girl, made me a mommy, and I am eternally grateful for your life.

As your third birthday is upon us, I wonder what you’d be like. I wonder how long your hair would be. I wonder what you’d think of your brother. I wonder if you’d like dresses or if you’d prefer to always wear pants and shorts. I wonder if you’d like soccer or dolls or riding bikes (or all of it).

I still shed tears over you, our daughter, but this year, I have found so much joy and peace in your short life and the fact that I will one day meet you in heaven. You, our girl, are still impacting so many here on earth. This year, Mommy and a friend started regularly meeting with a group of women who have lost babies and for those who are walking the journey of infertility. Three years after your birth, I see that God is still writing your story. He’s still revealing your purpose. Your life is glorifying our Heavenly Father. Kylie Ryann, you are one special girl, and we are eternally grateful for your life.

With Love,

Your Mommy and Daddy

On Kylie’s birthday, we deliver some sweet treats to the Labor and Delivery Unit where she was born. This year, I’d like to share the note that will accompany our treats. These nurses have had an astounding impact on our lives.

Nurses of Fairview Ridges OB Unit,

Today is Kylie Ryann Byer’s 3^rd birthday in heaven. Today, our family honors her life by thanking you, dear nurses. 3 years ago on this day, we experienced one of the most difficult days of our lives. Because of you, we also experienced one of the most memorable and holy days of our life. It was a sacred day. It was one in which we felt the ever present power of the Holy Spirit in a way that has only been matched on the day of Kylie’s brother’s birth. The Holy Spirit worked through YOU, nurses. I have written this to you on her past two birthdays, but the respect, love, and care we received on the birthday of our angel daughter was unbelievable. Thank you. Thank you for coming to this job each day and giving your best. We understand how difficult it is to walk with families through the hardest days of their lives. We’ve seen you cry with us, laugh with us, pray with us, and love us. What you do is so much more than a job. It’s a vocation. It’s a way to serve God’s greater purpose for you. 

You go home at night after a day like April 30, 2015, and you are tired, weary, and emotionally drained. You see your spouses, your dogs, your kids; you take care of so many other people. Yet, you serve your patients with such kindness and love. You help them walk along journeys no one would choose. Thank you for taking on this burden. Thank you for caring for our family with such love, grace, and compassion.

We think of you all so often. We pray for you. You have all made such an impact on our life. The days we have spent inside the walls of your 4^th floor are the holiest days we’ve ever experienced. You have shared those days with us. They are the days in which our good God has revealed himself and His power to us in ways that are not even describable. He has revealed Himself through you. Thank you, labor and delivery nurses. We are so grateful for you.

Jen, Nickie, and Sara, you will always hold a special place in our hearts. Thank you for serving our family the way you did on April 30, 2015. You have left a lasting impact on our hearts.

As you enjoy a treat from our family, please take a moment to think of our sweet Kylie Ryann in heaven. We would be so grateful.

With Love,

The Byers

(Patrick, Ericka, and Beckett)