God's Restorative Power

I sit here this morning watching the sun rise. I’m sitting in God’s word and reflecting on the restorative power of our good and gracious God. The sky is pink, and in the sunrise I always feel closest to our first daughter.

It’s April. Four years ago, I was pregnant with our first baby. I was 25 years old. I was naive. I was blissfully unaware of what grief was. My life would soon be turned upside down. It would take a turn that I wouldn’t wish upon another human. I would experience a loss and a grief that I had never experienced before. But, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Why? Because I have experienced the goodness of God before, during, and after the difficulties of this earthly life. And, because of this I have so much hope.

Sophomore year of college, I blew out my knee, tearing my ACL, MCL, and meniscus. My nineteen-year-old soccer-playing self thought it was about the worst thing that could happen to me. I was sure I’d transfer schools. I was sure I’d never play soccer again. I was sure I’d never fully recover. But, you know what? I recovered. I didn’t transfer. I played again. And, through the first major hardship in my life, God opened my eyes to His goodness in the midst of pain. Three years later, after a medical redshirt that sophomore year, our team had the most successful season our program had seen in a long time. The memories of that final season of soccer are what stick out as I reflect on my college soccer career. I had planned to stay at UNI for a fifth year to get my masters in accounting, and my final year of school was paid for because of that torn ACL. And, most importantly, here is where God began to open my eyes to His provision as we walk through hard things.

Six years later, we sent our first baby to be with Jesus. Kylie Ryann was born an angel to us, and I experienced the depths of grief. I mourned the loss of our sweet girl and the moments we’d never experience with her here on earth. I still mourn and grieve for our girl and always will. But, yet again God opened my eyes to His goodness. God continues to show me the purpose of Kylie’s life. He continues to use it. He continues to help me understand what His restorative power looks like. He continues to open my eyes to His truths. He continues to show me His faithfulness.

“Though you have made me see troubles, many bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up.” – Psalm 71:20

In this season, I have plopped myself in the book of Psalm. Slowly, I am making my way through them. As Kylie’s 4^th birthday approaches at the end of the month, I am reminded over and over of God’s goodness. His restorative power. His patience. His love for us. Humans have always experienced hardships. We will always and forever experience hardships. Until the day Jesus returns, there will be tragedy, there will be pain, there will be grief, there will be loss. We live in a broken world. But, I see hope because I have seen the goodness of God through hard things. He is good all the time, even when we don’t feel close to Him. He is moving even when we can’t see Him. And, we are called to praise Him, so praise Him I will. 

Throwing it back to my college soccer-playing days

Just about 4 years ago from right now (April 2015) - pregnant with our first baby girl